| life is just fucking crazy!! i always tell you that. something i discussed in my notebook recently: that life is so crazy, it shouldnt even faze me anymore. yet it ends up taking me by surprise even still. dudes jerking off in front of me, going to a random-ass concert where the bass player or whatev dedicated a song to me, inheriting a house... just one thing after another! dont even ever know whats happening almost. just do what i do in the midst of what happens. |
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| This friday i get to use someones laptop, so ill create a more proper entry then.
Right now, i only update because its been over a month.
2007 being the only year basically not existent to this diary. I was so caught up in shit. Im pretty sure i have a lot of notebook material from then though, like that was the year i really got back into notebooks. Its a good thing, too- to count, i have 31 completely filled and many are in progress. i will never abandon zan-guh again. |
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| hard not to judge sometimes.
but the more i claim so,
the longer it's a struggle.
how wrong of me to be around people and think bad things..
happens too often,
Even along with all the good that i say
and the redemption i seek
Cannot rely on second chances. |
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| Nick woesthaus. Died. Thats the third peer of mine that has died. RIP keaton, kate, and nick.
Edit: the first one that died was eric. So thats four. |
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| WOW. im using a laptop right now. brookalynn's. now i can fill in a few holes, or perhaps only reveal a few left unmentioned before... who know what I may tell you this time? like, it's nine thirty pm pretty much. sometimes i just need a pick-me-up. sometimes i just need to relax. sometimes i just need a shower or a hello or phone call or a drive. or a hamburger or some candy or just some milano double chocolate cookies found in my pantry closet. sometimes i stop for a moment- there aren't always glue sticks within reach, but at least we always have what we really need. and sometimes, i need to remember my goals without fretting. without holding back what shall be done in order to be available for what may come next; i must trust that what shall happen, WILL happen, and i shall not plan for it. except- plan for things that must be planned. i cannot live through life vicariously without some goal that im actuallyyyy working toward... |
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